Top 10 reasons why you have never been to West Africa
1. You can’t afford it. Senegal apparently produces only malaria and yellow fever. Everything else is imported and boy do we pay for it. But even if you could afford it…
2. ...you don’t know what to buy. There is a stunning lack of advertising in public spaces. Without constant bombardment of consumer messages, I do not know which brand of baby wipes will make me look more like a movie star. Very disorienting.
3. You don’t dress well enough. Even though garbage is found along every street and improvised dumps spring up in all unused space, people take great pride in their personal appearance. They adorn themselves in make-up, jewelry, high heels, and immaculate tunics and turbans, which makes you Americans look like a bunch of schlubs with your “Joe’s Crab Shack” t-shirts and your drawstring waistband pants. Here's me with Betty, my maid.4. You aren’t tall enough. The Senegalese are so tall, my assistant has to stand on his tippytoes just to use the urinals.
5. You are turned off by the sight of women spitting. ‘Nuff said.
6. Your pet dog or cat would be turned out on the street to make room for your new goat or lizard, which seem more welcome in homes. I am still a dog person, though, so I adopted the one on the left and named her Gazelle after the local beer. Her mommy on the right came to visit for a few days to make sure we didn't have any goats.7. Sacre Bleu! You don’t speak French. Of course, you could reside comfortably in The Gambia or less comfortably in war-torn Liberia, both English speaking countries. Here’s a quick lesson for you, which has always served me well: Ma couche est vraiment repugnante (My diaper is really disgusting).
8. You don’t know where to walk. Here’s a hint for you: the sidewalks are for parking and the roadways are for walking or possibly driving during the hours of 3:15-3:28 a.m. when there is no traffic jam. Of course, all bets are off if there is a massive tree growing in the middle of the road.9. You are too out of shape. Senegalese exercise seemingly around the clock. The beaches are filled with young men running back and forth and doing calisthenics in practice for soccer. Along many roadways you can see people doing random leg exercises and squats to improve their soccer kicks.
10. Because there aren't nearly as many topless natives as the National Geographics of your youth promised.
