I have received so many great letters from my fans since starting Baby Adventure Traveler. I am no longer able to reply to all of them individually so I decided to post a few of the most commonly asked questions.
Dear Omi,
My husband and I are redecorating our house and we can't agree on curtains versus blinds. Just about the only thing we do agree on is that we both trust your judgement. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Pam from Scranton, PA
Dear Pam,You were right to come to me with this dilemma. While it is true I am not an interior decorator per se, I feel passionately about window dressings and as qualified to give opinions about them as fellow celeb Tom Cruise is about psychotherapy. Long flowing curtains that reach the floor are the covering of choice for me. In my own abode, I can spend an afternoon twirling around in the curtains, running through them, and hiding behind them waiting for someone to say "Where's Omi?" only to rush out into the room laughing at their always startled expression by the fact that I was hiding in the curtains all along. You and your husband are in for hours of fun if you go with curtains.
Dear Omi,
If you could be any kind of animal, what would it be?
Signed,
The Claw, Stillwater Correctional Facility
Dear Claw,
Definitely an elephant. I've gotten quite good at imitating the elephant sounds that my assistant taught me how to make. I regularly stomp around the house practicing.
Dear Omi,My favorite character is Assistant Number Two. He seems delightful and intelligent, whimsical yet deep, and just fabulous in general. And don't get me started on his Adonis-like good looks. My girlfriends and I all want to know more about him. Please feature him more prominently in your stories and maybe include some pictures of him doing push-ups without a shirt.
Signed,
Babs in Tulsa
Dear Babs,
This blog is called "Baby Adventure Traveler" for a reason. I am the star and the only one who will be figured prominently. I admit I briefly toyed with the idea of creating a spin-off series but ultimately decided no one would tune in to a blog titled "Adventures with Number Two." On an unrelated topic, is the city of Tulsa still adding fluoride and psychotropic acid to the drinking water?
Omi,
I'm a long time reader, first time writer. I'd like to see your column venture more into politics. What is your suggestion for Middle East peace?
Signed,
D. Cheney, undisclosed location
Dear D,I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do know that a nap after lunch, a warm bottle of milk before bed, and plenty of hugs all day long make me feel warm and loved. Perhaps those things should be worked in to the roadmap.
Dear Omi,
Most babies I know spend their days making things wet or dirty or both. By contrast, you seem fairly articulate and have visited a list of places as long as your leg (or as thick, which ever is bigger). In this information age where anyone can clog the internet with "mediatainment," the pressure to create ever more interesting and titillating articles pushes some beyond the bounds of journalistic integrity. One must wonder if there is any embellishment in your own journal or if in fact, you really ever went anywhere at all. I saw a chubby baby in K-mart last week down on County Road 9 that looked suspiciously like you...
Signed,
Ray in Davenport, IA
Dear Ray,
It comes as no surprise to me that denizens of a town named after a sofa would tend toward the sedentary. However, I can assure you and any other doubters that the stamps in my diplomatic passport bear witness to my wanderings and all the anecdotes are real. As for embellishments, well, all important people have secretaries and assistants that are expected to fill in the details when we end dictation with "et cetera, et cetera." But I can assure you, my assistant's most frequent editorial contribution is translating my erudite vocabulary into simple-speak so the good people of Davenport, Iowa can follow along.
Dear Omi,
I can't get a strait answer from anybody else and I figured you must know. Where do babies come from?
Signed,
Ricky Wong, Mrs. Johnson's third grade class
Dear Ricky,It is an age old quandary, but I think the more relevant question in today's world is "where are babies going?" Today, babies are found on every continent and represent all walks of life. Some are actors, some are criers, and even a special few are adventure travelers. I predict some day we will put a baby on the moon. There is no stopping us.
Thank you all for your lovely letters, please keep them coming!
Until next time, peace to all.
Omi, Baby Adventure traveler
