It's true, Dear Readers, Baby Adventure Traveler is closer than ever to taking down the corrupt Communist regime terrorizing China with an iron fist. My messages of peace and adventure struck fear into their hearts and they no doubt envisioned their cushy way of life crumbling around them as their downtrodden country-men rose up and said “Yes, peace to all, including us!” This is an exciting moment in history. Not since that guy stood in front of the tank has one person come so close to derailing that trainload of totalitarians and their massive military machine. Of course that guy ended up wearing cement sandals at the bottom of the Yangtze, but that won’t deter me.
Upon receiving the news (see the comment section from my last post), I wrote a harshly worded letter and dispatched an envoy to the United Nations in Geneva to file my formal complaint. Naturally, there was much diplomatic hand-wringing at the Palais des Nations and I believe they are drafting a resolution at this moment which will also probably be banned in China and that will be the end of that.In stark contrast to the oppression in the land of Confucius, life in that Alpine nation could not be more pleasant. In Switzerland the serene beauty of the mountains jutting up dramatically behind Lake Geneva has led the Swiss to just sit down and enjoy the peace, according to my envoy, Assistant Number Two. As a result, they set up a system of democracy and neutrality where anyone could speak their mind and the army would never get involved in any imbroglio so bad that it couldn’t defend itself with those handy little knives.
When the Swiss first adopted this simple weapons platform they could have been overthrown by a marauding troop of Boy Scouts who, according to my intelligence, would have been greeted as liberators. But in truth, the Swiss Army was so inept with traditional artillery that the phrase “Swiss Miss,” which has been corrupted over time, originally referred to their targeting acumen. Now, however, after years of practice they have become quite good at defending themselves using all the little attachments on the knife, especially the eyeball remover, a device people generally mistake for a corkscrew.The important point is this: free speech and a meager investment in defense technology has not resulted in anarchy, poverty, pestilence, or attack. Au contraire, the Swiss have become so advanced that they are able to charge $10.00 for a box of Cheerios and sell watches that cost more than my Honda CR-V. I implore you brave souls living in the icy shadow of the Great Wall to keep reading your smuggled copies of Baby Adventure Traveler. Spread this message to your neighbors and together we will shine a light into the darkness.
Until next time, peace to all, including the Chinese
Omi, Banned Baby Adventure Traveler
